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In Times of Soul Searching and Sadness |
As Christians we are on a journey. When we kneel at the foot of the cross to ask Jesus` forgiveness and surrender our lives to Him we are at the beginning of the road for the redeemed which leads to the heavenly city.
sometimes on the mountain top with Jesus beside us.
feeling desperate and alone as the world`s problems beset us.
mourning the loss of a loved one.
we have comfort and strength for these times for God is with us. He gathers us up in His arms and hides us in the shelter of His wings.
He gives us a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.* Hallelujah! Praise His Holy Name! *Isaiah 61 : 3 1999 * * *
May the loving memory of the one you hold dear remain with you as year succeeds year
may the light of their love shine in your heart e`en though for a while you are apart
and may our dear Lord be near to bless and comfort you in your distress * * *
Prayer After September 11th 2001 From the depths of our innermost being we cry out to You for the death of so many loved ones for the wife no longer hears her husband`s key in the door for the children who have no father to romp with on the floor for the parents in mourning for their daughter or son for the friendships shattered because of what`s done for the lives that are lost before they`ve begun. We lift them, Lord, to You 2001 * * *
where suffering and pain will cease, time to enter God`s heavenly home for His perfect healing and peace 2001 * * *
I`ve had four depressive episodes, becoming progressively worse. Breakdown started 20th March, my 60th birthday, a few months after moving house. Wednesday 22nd really fell apart. * * * Tired, so tired Cotton wool head, legs of lead, face - grey skin eyes - nothing within. Memory, what memory? Soul – anger, such anger, such dreadful anger at what? Everything which isn`t in line with my thoughts anything getting in my way.
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Tired, so tired
Tears – no, not just tears, but sobs from deep within.
Howls of anguish.
Me? Why me?
Why do I have to suffer like this?
What have I done to deserve this?
Failure, abject failure.
Nothing I do works out right.
Why didn't God give me the only thing I ever really wanted?
My own family, children to love and nurture.
I want nothing to do with church, nothing to do with God, or life.
Tired, so tired
Try as I might, I cannot rationalize it away.
I have more of this world's goods than I will ever want or need,
but they don't fill this aching void – nothingness, what is the point?
Tired, so tired
Come on, cheer up, pull your socks up, think positive.
You don`t understand, you'll never understand if you haven`t been here.
Sympathise, but not empathise.
Depression isn't just down in the dumps or off colour.
It`s not having an off day.
I put a face on for the world to see,
“I`m just a bit tired, it`s the move and the workmen.”
Choices, so many choices, getting sorted, will it never end?
ME, where's ME?
I`m drowning in a sea of things to do and responsibilities,
always at the bottom of the list.
Why can`t I be like Paul? He learnt to be content in every situation.
What was his “thorn in the flesh?”
26th April 2006 – laughter!!!
23rd May 2006
eyes not quite so soul-less,
not crying every morning.
Same breakdown – no date
Nothing in me is being fulfilled.
Empty………empty………all is emptiness.
Where is my smile, my laughter?
Nothing to smile about
nothing to laugh about
Jenny, you`re so bright, always with a lovely smile.
Ha!! Ha!!
Happiness, what is happiness?
Have I ever known it?
Why me?
Why am I so afflicted?
Surely, I deserve some happiness.
Can`t be relied on, backs out at the last minute.
I must say no to anything else that comes along. no no…no…no
Words won`t come out of my mouth
I stutter, like mother with her strokes.
Is there a reason for this?
There is no point in existing.
This added MUCH later...
Yes, there is a point in existing.
There are people here who love you and want to care for you.
They want you to be complete.
They are wise enough and have the grace of God
to help them understand your situation.
God loves you, He will keep you.
He says to you
“Listen to me, my child. Have no fear. For I am the Lord, your God.
I will be with you.
I will pour out my love upon you, for I am your Comforter and Saviour.
I wll hold you in the safety of my arms and never, no never, forsake you.
Listen to me, my child. Have no fear.
For I am the Lord, your God. I will be with you.”